Before I get into transcribing from the sabbatical journal I kept throughout my 9 weeks from June 26 to Aug 28, I thought it might be helpful to give some context and establish some ground rules. I had not read back through any of my journal til last night, and I read about the first 30 pages then.
1) There are portions of it that are deeply personal that I'm not ready to share yet for varying reasons and I may skip over some sections entirely for this reason.
2) There are names (or groups of people named, people who've been on my heart and in my prayers), and I may use aliases or speak of them more generally or leave them out altogether.
3) An ellipsis, ..., may represent where I've left out something for clarity or privacy's sake. Of course, as I read through my journal last night, I also seem to use the ellipsis as a pause in my thought. So there's that. I'm just here to keep you guessing :-)
4) Again, for clarity or privacy I may use brackets, [ ], to summarize sections, to rewrite something for greater clarity or to add a word or phrase that makes for better reading.
5) And I imagine there will be some correction and editing along the way that will be completely transparent to you the reader.
6) When I post pictures of my handwritten journal, you can expect, where needed, some places to be blurred or otherwise censored for the sake of privacy.
Maybe we didn't need all of that but I thought that might help. ("Clear as mud?" as my Dad would say.) Any other context I think I'll be ok giving it along the way. Still feeling my way here a little bit. I'm glad you're on this journey with me. My hope is that you as well may be inspired or challenged along the way as I have been.
Tu/06/28/22 - 7:40p - My sabbatical began Sunday the 26th. It's now 7:40p on Tuesday the 28th and I've begun my personal retreat at The Shropshire House, a rustic cabin...outside of Bryson City down a winding mountain road a few miles off Hwy19 and finally up a steep gravel (and hard to navigate in a Sienna van) driveway .25 miles up the mountain. With some spinning of tires I made it up here about 5:30 today after a late, late lunch at the Nantahala Burger Bar & Brewery and a stop at Ingles for a few groceries.
It is perfect. As I write this I'm in a bright red rocking chair on a deep, open front porch that runs the length of the house and overlooks the mountains in the distance. A gentle rain patters from the tin roof and I can see the sun's final rays on the mountains in the distance. [My meager groceries and drink somehow taste like kingly food here! Ahh...] With rain and the wind in the leaves I can almost hear the brook bubbling down the mountain off to my left.
There are two metal trash cans behind me: one labeled "bird food" and the other "turkey food". I think I'll put some out before too long. The mountain laurel (rhododendron?) is still blooming in places.
There's no wireless and no service as I knew would be the case. I have a few books, this journal, a land line (from which I talked to Kelly earlier tonight), my Bible, and [one guilty pleasure] a few episodes of "Obi Wan" and "The Umbrella Academy" I've downloaded to my iPad. Oh! And my guitar!
I was in Kenya and missed the last few episodes of "Obi Wan" which, true confession, I did watch during my time here at the cabin. So good! Especially if you're a Star Wars fan. But I never got to "The Umbrella Academy", a weird and funny, sometimes raw and not-for-kids, Netflix series about a dysfunctional family of superhero kids always trying but never succeeding to live up to the expectations of their stoic and judgmental father. But if you want a movie about a family of superheroes trying to figure things out it's got to be Pixar's Incredibles and Incredibles 2. Make it a family movie night! Ok, you didn't come here for all that... :-)
It's raining a bit harder now, but the owners of the cabin said it was actually better for getting up and down the drive [than if it's completely dry]. So, I'll take it!! Of course, there's little better than sitting in a rocking chair listening to the rain come down...
Lord, teach me to listen. What do you have in store for me these next few days, these next few weeks?
Before I write the next thing recorded in my journal, some context is prudent. Over the last year I've been part of a small cohort of ministry professionals. We've met weekly, or there abouts, to listen, encourage, and pray for one another. We range in ages and callings and areas of ministry. They are "iron sharpens iron" kind of relationships. When I was concerned and conflicted about whether or not to embark on a sabbatical this summer (in light of several factors not least of which was my church's season of transition between senior pastoral leadership), they listened and prayed and helped me gain clarity to take the next steps. I write this in my journal about it:
I'm so thankful for those guys and their prayers. they were with me as I wrestled with whether or not to move forward with this sabbatical or not. They listened and helped me talk it out. Thank God for you guys! Iron sharpens iron!
I was excited to share the beginning of my sabbatical with them. "I have indeed received much joy and encouragement from [their] love, because the heart [of this saint has] been refreshed through [them], my brothers." Phil 1:7) Following, I include the text message I sent them and their responses. BTW who are your "iron sharpens iron" people, the folks who refresh you and who you likewise encourage?
Text to my cohort the morning I departed for the cabin while waiting for the van to be serviced (and which I subsequently copied into my journal):
"So, my sabbatical began Sunday. Over a bagel and coffee that morning I considered the possibilities before me over the next 9 weeks...and...and...I deleted my work email app from my phone! I was giddy! "Do you want to remove this app from your home screen? It will still be available in your library," my phone prompted me. DELETE! "If you delete the app it will remove all data and documents associated with it," it prompted again. DELETE!
[What happened next?] The red number indicating my 537 unread junk emails faded and then the app icon itself fuzzed out of existence. It was SO good!
I must have considered posting that on Facebook or something for what I wrote next was...
Though I wanted to [post on social media] I didn't think that was a story I could broadcast to the world - especially the unexpected joy and laughter associated with it.
This actually turned out to be a very healthy and wise decision.
Been meaning to share it with you guys since. Thanks for celebrating with me. This morning I leave for Bryson City where I rented a cabin off the beaten path. No wireless or mobile service and complete with emailed instructions on how to navigate up the driveway! I'll be there through Friday or Saturday before going to see my Mom and Dad over the weekend. [I tell them what I'm bringing, remarking with amazement that not ALL my books are fiction. Can you believe it?!] I am prayerful over what God has in store ver the next few days. I invite you to pray as well.
So, all of the above, plus a LOT of driving [which, if you know me is A Ok with this introvert] with a choice of silence, The Corner Room Music (Do yourself a favor and search that today!), or a dramatic reading of The Fellowship of the Ring downloaded on my phone equals deep breaths, a clear mind, light shoulders, and an open heart.
(Most of the trip was in silence. But I did listen to about 60min-ish of the book about 3.5hours in.)
Here are their texted responses:
🙏❤️🎉 [and...]
Heck yeah! I'm so excited for you. May God's peace and joy follow you everywhere over these next couple of months! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. [and...]
Praying that you experience God's presence and voice in a powerful was as you make a lot of space for Him [underline mine]. Im refraining from particular outcomes such as rest and peace as who knows but God what is most needed [again, emphasis mine]. Praying you experience and receive God's greatest hope for you, your family, and everyone in your future paths. Celebrating you being untethered to anything that holds your attention, but the One. ❤️🙌🙏
I sent a similar text message to my family and specifically referencing my deleted work email app, Kelly said, "That makes me smile, too!!" I conclude my first day's journal entry this way:
The rain has stopped. The birds are singing their final strains in advance of evening coming in full with the darkening sky. I can hear the brook clearly now, and the patchy clouds can just be made out against the deepening gray of the sky beyond.
I'm grateful. God help me. For I cannot help myself. Eyes open. Heart wide. Here I am. Oh! And God, be with Kelly, Davis, Sophie and me as we continue to reflect on what You're teaching us from our time in Kenya. [More on that next time.] Amen.
I continue and finish by praying for friends and family, a prayer I'll rework for us here as we pray for someone (or even ourselves) today:
Lord, show Yourself in a powerful way.
Support _______ with your right hand and hold them.
Lead them and show them Yourself.
Lord, what can we do but entrust ________to You.
Take our words or lack thereof and make them perfect as You pray for us.
Show us the way!! Love you.
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